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One of the clerks came up behind me and said, ‘Just sit still now.’ There was a sudden, intense burning sensation in my right ear. My eyes leapt open, and I tried to get up. She held my head firmly with one hand and said, ‘Just a few seconds. Hold still.’ The sharp pain was repeated in the other ear. She then rubbed both with some alcohol and fiddled with each ear for a few seconds. ‘There, that does it. You can get up now.’ I stood up and looked in the mirror. She had pierced my ears and placed a little gold ball in each of them! What would I do at the at the end of two weeks? Those holes in my ears were going to take a long time to heal over. ‘Okay, that finishes us here. It’s time for us to go home and get ready to go out tonight.’ With that, we walked back towards the car – slowly, because I was f***ed to take such mincing steps in the tall shoes. As we got into the car I turned and said, ‘Honey, this is ridiculous. Look at my hands! I can’t -‘ She slapped me hard on the. With one minute to go, she reminds me what the general instructions say and then reads and rereads the first three instructions for the calibration leg. Finally, it’s 10:09 and we’re off. “Take the nearest of the five exits from the lot; commence 28 mph average speed; turn left at 1.358 miles.” Got it!The first few miles, about ten, are deliberately easy and my mind wanders to what’s coming. With the first leg completed, it gets real. The final calibration instruction says “9.736 miles at the owl; reset your odometer and proceed to instruction one.” I spot the wooden owl statue in front of the Owl Tavern and reset my odo there. The mile references get extremely sparse, as expected in a championship event. My navigator reads me the next three instructions and tells me we will enter the woods at that point.As we pass the tavern, I inhale a lung full of seasonal pumpkin-spice schnapps. Though I love the homey scent that reminds me of Thanksgiving gathers, I must ignore it! I prematurely.
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